*Tender New Beginnings*

Spring is here, we just passed the equinox. Hail to New beginnings. 

Ok, so here's the truth. The bare truth. The naked truth. 

I've been out of it for the last 9 months or so. Out of the "game". The game being, my devotion to entrepreneurship,  and all my entrepreneurial efforts. 

Entrepreneurship has taken its toll on me.

I felt depleted. 

Deleted.

 

I really don't like the big B-word (((...(burnout)))) but that's what happened to me. I just didn't realize it, and it took me a few months to admit it to myself. And this 'thing' still sweeps me in waves. In September I felt incredibly non-energetic, really unwell and depleted. I felt like a 'weakling' to my bones. I hated the feeling! So to feel healthy again, I decided to drastically change my routine and started walking up the hill nearby my house early every morning, to enjoy the outdoors even more than usual, and take great care of my health, both my physical and mental health. 

With each month I started to feel better and stronger. By the turn of the year, I felt I had completely recuperated from my burnout, and gotten so much healthier. But then earlier this month, (March 2021) the day after some rough emotional stuff, I was raising my hand to grab a cup from the cupboard and oh my Jesus it was so hard! It took all my might, and afterward, it felt like I had been lifting weights for 20 mins. So you see, this burnout thing is no kids play. It's serious stuff. 

The thing is, most people think burnout is the result of overworking. And oh yes, it for sure is. But there is also emotional burnout and burnout due to over-adaptation! I had never heard about that, then my mum pointed it out to me, as she had heard a talk about it, and it rang so true in my heart I almost started shaking.

So in my case, with more than a decade's worth of entrepreneurial effort toward creating web tools, platforms, and communities (In Spirit of Iceland, Mother Earth Retreat, Eagle Women Global, Sacred Iceland, Sacred Globe) based on my crystal clear vision of how compassionate and thriving our world truly is behind the veils, in its essence, hence my burning desire to use my life this time around, my current incarnation, persona and skills to support the mass realization of this truth through creating joint platforms so we could connect, communicate and celebrate Life, Earth and Each other.... I had adapted myself to the brink of extinction! 

My fierce will to see this through, no matter what, and knowing the Universe moves in mysterious ways, had made me adapt and adapt, from one adaptation to another adaptation, adapt to other ppl's dreams ad desires as well, seeing it all as a Whole, as One Universal dream, and "It doesn't matter who does what, and under what name and flavor, we just need to Do It! Make it happen! Create this!!" It had almost deleted Sóley from her own identity. "Don't sacrifice your life on the altar of your dreams" my inner soulbird whispered in my ear a year ago - I lingered, took it in, then simply continued on my Greater than life mission! What folly! But in hindsight, it was all a part of the journey. 

Since June I've twice experienced massive surges of mental energy though. They've swept through me accompanied by the all-too-familiar, yet this time around, not-so-welcome, "OK! Let's get to work, I've got this, I know what I'm doing!" (pent-up) spunky, almost arrogant attitude, barking in my ear. But of course, it only amounted to my (produced my) one thousand, one hundreth and fifth or so attempt to manifest something as an entrepreneur, but with no results. Bwaaaaahhh! Frustrating. This time around, as often before, I had no energy to pull it through. Utter exhaustion. And then its the thing about income. And I had to sail other seas. 

But what's been unfolding in my life these past months, in earnest, is my growing revelation that I do so love to write. I write about lived experiences and the soul, touch upon spiritual philosophy topics. I'm not an entrepreneur in the business sense of the word. I'm an idea person, a visionary.  Entrepreneurship, as it seems, is not my game. I have a feeling I would be a good counselor to other entrepreneurs, like more of a soul-centric advisor, supporting them as a soul sister on their entrepreneurial journey, as I have great oversight and sense people deeply. But I suppose the closest I will get to being an entrepreneur myself, turning all the necessary wheels, is being a solo-preneur, building my personal brand as a 1-on-1 wellbeing guide, but not establishing global wellbeing networks like Eagle Women Global or Sacred Globe. 

So, again, what has really been unfolding these past months, is a beautiful flower. A flower I feel has been waiting patiently for me on the outskirts, for me to give it attention. It's my writer's flower.

So, now just brainstorming with my threads, my energy, my essence.. allowing the words of it all to play out in my mind and on paper. Talking/writing to myself - soundboarding with myself about my expression. Perhaps some of it is copy material for a few IG posts, or for my website, or ... let's just see. I like to do this in the open, as it's like a confirmation letter for me. I'm a motivational writer, my stuff is very much intended to inspire, and be a healing balm, so it's great to flow like this .... 

Yay New beginnings! :) 

In short, I'm all about Deep Delicious Peace, Self-Love & Sensuous Spirituality ~ 

  “To Embody One's Soul Essence"

Now my life is shapeshifting as my riverbanks are becoming stronger and steadier. Now they can hold me and my creative flow, and I can start sharing and offering more of what’s been sage’ing in my heart for years. 

I celebrate social online outlets and can’t wait to participate on new platforms. They're like blank new canvases for me! 

I am a 

Writer

Healing Pen & Poetess 

Self-Love Muse & Mystic

I've been dipping my toe in the idea of offering spiritual guidance I call Soul sistering. Those interested can privately message me.

It’s a soul-centric discovery flow for women, and for the men who want to lean into the wisdom of the feminine ways, who crave inner peace. For those tired of feeling constantly exhausted, and like an outsider in their own life. For those who want to enjoy more lightness, joy and passion, instead of fear, anger and stress. All this is possible through spiritual simplicity ~ depth and devotion.

My guidance is based on spiritual discovery, or dis-covery, where we undress spiritually, as opposed to clothing ourselves in a spiritual layer. We want to bring our beliefs and preconceived ideas into the light … what do I want to keep, and go deep with, and what isn’t any longer in harmony with my essence, even though perhaps once upon a time, it was? Deconditioning is a beautiful thing.   

You might ask what qualifies me to offer you my spiritual guidance.

I studied and practiced a few of the world’s big spiritual paths, then found freedom and peace in deep spiritual simplicity, what I like to call Sensuous Spirituality or Lush Divinity. It's based on the principle of what is spiritually Universal, juicy, beautiful things like Love, Compassion, Joy, and Beauty. It's based on the light that embraces the dark, is accepting and all-encompassing, honoring the distinction and essence of the feminine and the masculine energies, ultimately uniting them in divine creation and flow.

Below is an excerpt, a draft from my short story Le Petit Oiseau, which might give you an insight into my spiritual ways.

“There are many ways to interpret and understand truth. That is why we have so many religions and means of attaining spiritual clarity.  All spiritual paths are basically belief systems, i.e. built on or around sets of beliefs about things, energy, and their function. Belief is a human creation. Nature has no belief. Unfortunately, or maybe not, the truth is often obscured in the interpretation process. Obscured by the mind trying to understand. Ultimately on a human level to differentiate to stay alive. Nature has no belief systems. It has a sacred structure and flow to grow, but no belief system. It simply exists within, or as reality. The direction east, the color red, the number 13, the medicine of the owl  .. all these are interpreted and understood differently by different people around the world. Even the elements, the seasons and the phases of the moon have different spiritual meanings to different people. Underneath the meanings and the beliefs is Reality in all its glory, expressions of life, truth channeled in different forms. It is us who give them meanings and attributes. And that's all good, as long as we play and enjoy it as flavor, don't cling to those meanings and derive a sense of identification from those.. as essentially when they will be stripped away, as they will be at their appointed hour, then, where will we stand? Therefore we might ask ourselves, in the name of deep inner peace, What is Universal Truth?"

In a way I answer that question from my point of view in Ode to the Unknown, the prelude to Songs of Anu, the Grace & Gratitude Special Edition (2016), when I write: 

“.... I know that I feel free when I’m unattached to spiritual belief systems. When I align myself with what is universal. Compassion, Peace and Harmony. The Grace in Gratitude."

Therefore my spiritual guidance is based on what is universal. To start there, and see where we want to go. As I said above, to choose simplicity, discern and go deep with one flavor. When you dedicate yourself to simplicity or choose a path to go deep with, you won't have to spread yourself thin. You will have understanding in your heart, you will see how all has its purpose, there is no judgment. Your sense of meaning and purpose will make you juicy and fun-loving, and it will become so easy to have fun with and enjoy all the other flavors with your friends and family, as you won't be pulled off-center anymore. You won't be judgemental either as you will have such a strong feeling of contentment and peace in your own heart. It’s a delicious feeling. 

As long as you aren’t being talked down to by another’s spiritual fervor, or a spiritual path is being pushed on you, or you feel violated by someone else’s belief system, there doesn’t have to be any conflict. There doesn’t have to be any judgment. 

In 2016 my personal journey culminated in a life-shattering yet beautiful experience where everything within me and around me somehow dissolved, and for a whole week’s time, nothing made sense to me. I simply floated through each day and found solace in crying and staring out the window. 

I wrote: (These few lines are also from Le Petit Oiseau)

What is it I watch myself throw on the fire?

What ‘me’ is being swept out to sea?

What is it I bury in the moist underground?

What ‘self’ is carried off on the wind?

 

My name

My clothes

My beliefs

My friends 

My spiritual paths

My zodiac signs

 

Naked I stand

By the blood red river

My offering to what is

My past trickling away

Down the stream

My future

Not there to be seen

 

May only what’s pure resurface

May only sincere expressions of who I am resurface

Sincere expressions of that which I truly AM

..

Slowly but surely the fibers of my being started re-weaving themselves back together, but I was changed. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I wasn’t fearful. During that special week when my fibers had been floating around me unattached, almost non-existent, the tiniest cosmic seed had managed to find its way, through essence, into my momentarily non-conditioned heart, and plant itself there in peace. The ground of my being, as porous as it was then, as wet from tears as it was during that time, provided the perfect conditions for that seed to sprout. It was the seedling of an evergreen. The evergreen of Trust toward life and the divine.     

How I see and sense the play of the spiritual and the material in our world is poetically portrayed in the first Kindle edition of Songs of Anu ~ Poetry from the Heart (2015). There I share about spiritual simplicity and the trust in the divine. I wasn’t faking it in Songs of Anu. Trying something on. It was as true to me then as it is now. But somehow it is more real to me now. Like the grip I had on those concepts then, that firm hold I had, perhaps so I wouldn’t lose it, has relaxed. I’m not afraid. I have this feeling I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Least of all to myself. So the words in Songs of Anu are the same. Only now they are free! How lovely. Now they are even more potent than before. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t been there then, a truth that echoes in the book's poem ‘The Spiral of Becoming’.

To give you an insight into my motivational's writer's mind, what I have been writing since I published Songs of Anu, apart from all the copy written for my past entrepreneurial endeavors have chapter names, draft titles and subjects such as; 

Individuals of Oneness (published on Rebelle Society)

Freedom Found Through Depth & Devotion

Le Petit Oiseau ~ The Soulbird I, Free and Flying

Wild Wisdom ~ A tousled collection of conversations with Spirit. Untamed, all over the place, and definitely not inside the lines! 

Make Love to Life ~ The Essence of Sensuous Spirituality

Alive Stillness ~ Meditation & Relaxation for Increased Vitality and Inner Glow ★

In The Midst of Sisterhoods Let’s Not Forget Our Friends ~ 

The Healing Quill ~ How journaling can save one’s life

Brother Sun, Sister Moon ~ Sister Sun, Brother Moon 

(IS) Töfrandi ~ Lífsstílsvefur fyrir lífskúnstnera (tofrandi.is)

~~~ To be continued .... 

Now continuing, briefly adding to this post above, in the Now of April 2022. 

What to write? Why do I want to add to this post? 

'To be continued..." was pointing toward the energy of continuity, of creation.  I didn't mean that I was going to add to this post, but that the trajectory of life was continuing. But now I want to add to it, after reading it over.

Why? 

Because in the Now of March 2021 I wrote about burn-out, and exhaustion. Ill health and recovery. And that I was feeling like a new tender beginning was occuring for me after an even greater letting go of entrepreneurship. That a shift into authentic expressions of me was happening, a shift into truly embracing my essence and writing. 

Well. I suppose the exhaustion was deeper than I imagined. In September I was diagnosed with acute leukemia. Though it was 'acute' I know in my bones it was a slow spiraling motion coming to the surface, the outward manifestation of something much deeper in me, that took time to rise to the surface as acute leukemia. Now after months of chemotherapy and much hospitalization I'm considered cured! What a blessing and Grace ♡ Now rehabilitation is underway. 

This blog is called Sóley's Journey, and my health is such a big part of that journey, my overall health, my holistic health. So when and whatever I want to write about it onto these blog pages, I will do so! It is all interwoven. Life in an interweb of magic in motion.  

Here's the first post where I mention that I have a great healing journey in front of me: 

Autumn's Healing Grace

Much Love ♡